I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
