my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How does one acquire holy water?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
