i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
