i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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