Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
