connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
