it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
