you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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