I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
