I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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