You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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