Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
