Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
