My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
