i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
please come you make the beer taste better
zippers are such a cool invention
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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