You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
