I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
