So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
