She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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