Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
