I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
