Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
