i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
