Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
