My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
