Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
