Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
