When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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