Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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