it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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