hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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