My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
