Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
