I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
