Cold hands, warm shart.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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