i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
