oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
