Non-Jews are for practice
It's Friday. Sex?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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