Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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