what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
