1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
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