she kept yelling 'call me bella'
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
