I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
