If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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