there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hippo gnu deer
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
