You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
