My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
