after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
