the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
