need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
