It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
