Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
