I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
