I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
