he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
