these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
