Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
