Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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