you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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