Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
