my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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