Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
