Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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