the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
